All You Need Is Love

John Wackman

 

From our first days on a committee for the local art-movie theater I spotted John as a man I wanted to have as a friend. We were both new to the area; we shared an interest in offbeat movies, and he had a natural warmth and joy about him that made him a magnet to people looking for friends. We spoke more and more after every meeting, and occasionally shared a ride to an upcoming event. I lived in New Paltz and he lived somewhere in an outlying hamlet.

 

When I bought a house in Kingston, a pleasant if somewhat neglected Victorian, John stopped by to visit. Workmen were renovating the kitchen and the bathroom, but the charm of the house was evident, and John was taken by the whole enterprise. He walked all around the house, inside and out into the street in front, and seemed transported.

 

“I have been saying for years I’d never buy a house again, but this is wonderful!” Something about my house and its neighborhood struck a real chord with him, so I suggested he do a little house hunting of his own. A few days later I got a call from him on my cell as I was picking up groceries at the supermarket.

 

“I’ve found a house!” John said. He was excited, but then he usually was excited, so I assumed that he and a realtor had snagged an old Victorian for him to renovate, maybe near my own. Actually the story was different. He had met a couple, nice people in their 80s,  who had recently bought and renovated a 1950s ranch in a pleasant upscale neighborhood in Kingston, and no sooner had they moved in than they realized it was a mistake and they yearned to move back to the town they’d come from. They offered to sell him their house, and he took it as karma, because he was thinking of buying a house. I kept telling him things don’t happen that way, but he ignored me and bought the house after brief negotiations.

 

John loved that house, and over time I came to see that things happened to him that just didn’t happen to others. He always started with something personal, for example, people he respected and loved turned up and shared some talent, object, or even a house, and if it felt right, he made his move. He was able to sense when serendipity was tapping on his shoulder. At that time he was spearheading a three-year project to solarize our area, so soon enough he had solar panels added to that house and installed other environmentally sound improvements that reduced his payments for energy and put him in the vanguard of the local movement for renewable energy, recycling, and sustaining the environment. He was on committees advocating for all, and worked with arts groups, theaters, libraries, and music groups. He was a young teenager when the Beatles came to America and he was overwhelmed with their music. He collected their records and in college started a rock band, writing some of the songs and attacking his music with youthful gusto, writing sensitive lyrics about better ways of life. He played piano by ear and after he retired, he vowed to learn to read music as soon as he had time.

 

His real gift was his way with people. He took joy in the accomplishments—and potential for accomplishments—of everybody he met. He focused in on me in our conversations, and I found myself revealing my heart to him more and more, telling him of my life before retirement and sharing long-lost bits of myself. We made dinner for each other from time to time, him making his favorite camp food—lentils—or his mother’s recipe for vegetable soup, and I would show off my cooking skills of years past with shrimps Florentine or some remembered casserole. I discovered Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, which sent us both into ecstasy. Once when I told him what I was planning for dinner he said,  “Don’t worry about it. The conversation is food at your house…”

 

When the pandemic hit, we had coffee on my porch every Friday until it became too cold. After that we moved inside and had masked conversations between sips of coffee. We would talk of many things, laugh a lot, and make plans for projects for the future. There was no agenda, just a sense of cherishing the time we had together—and he never left without telling me how much these weekly meetings meant to him. I hope I told him it was mutual.

 

He was on a number of civic committees, and was a ringleader in all of them. It would be hard to find anyone with more enthusiasm for doing good. Some of this came from his Methodist background, which meant a great deal to him, but much of it was innate. He was an optimistic, forward-looking person committed to making the world better with all the energy he could muster. Repair Café was his pet project, a do-good endeavor which floated to various venues, mostly church halls, in the county, and it was part of a movement that was growing around the world. He organized a dynamic branch in this area, the Hudson Valley of New York State, and he organized and participated in all of them. He visited The Netherlands, where the Repair Café movement had started. Communities organize get-togethers of people who know how to fix inoperable objects and appliances (or mend torn clothing), and those who have items they don’t want to throw away, even though broken. The repairers work for free and those with broken objects get them mended at no cost. Win-win, which was John’s favorite thing.

 

We lost John when he died suddenly a week ago. The many communities in which he had a presence gave a small memorial two days later. Over a hundred people showed up and more than half of them told their personal stories. Grown men wept openly as we all tried to cope with our loss. All the stories told of John’s personal effect on the life of the speaker, how he made him or her feel beloved and special—and as I listened I realized I was becoming a bit jealous because I had kinda thought I was the only one. His ability to boost someone’s ego certainly did not stop with me, and now I knew it.

 

Without him, what will we do? The Repair Café and other projects and committees he inspired will continue and grow, but we—the people who benefited from his kindness and joy—will have to find our best selves on our own now, and remember the light of his that he gave away so freely. We know we are the lucky ones, to have been able to call him a friend, and that it’s up to us to keep our love for him alive and to keep doing what he would want us to.